Writing this post is challenging as it brings up many past issues I’d rather leave behind. About ten years ago, I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder (BED) by the NHS eating disorder service. Unfortunately, treatments for BED weren’t as well-funded as those for anorexia and bulimia. I received six group CBT sessions and was asked to buy a book. Thankfully, a mental health nurse scheduled a follow-up appointment to talk and help me get things off my chest.
Growing up, I was always slightly overweight, which resulted in bullying during my childhood. This experience eroded my self-esteem and mental well-being, setting the stage for future struggles. Throughout my late teens and adult years, I experimented with every diet out there, at one point consuming only three milkshakes daily (600cal total) for nine months, which ultimately was detrimental.
My early years were overshadowed by depression and anxiety, further aggravated by a series of traumatic events including abuse, rape, the death of family members, the loss of my mother, and an abusive relationship. An undiagnosed case of ADHD also contributed to these challenges, leading me to find solace in eating.
According to the Mayo Clinic, “Binge-eating disorder is a serious condition. It always involves feeling like you’re not able to stop eating. It also often involves eating much larger than usual amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But regularly feeling that eating is out of control and eating an unusually large amount of food may be symptoms of binge-eating disorder. People who have binge-eating disorder often feel embarrassed or ashamed about eating binges. People with the disorder often go through periods of trying to restrict or severely cut back on their eating as a result. But this instead may increase urges to eat and lead to a cycle of ongoing binge eating.”
I am composing this blog post amidst my ongoing struggle with BED. Despite undergoing bariatric surgery, which provided relief for a couple of years, the disorder has made a resurgence. Living with it is heart-wrenching and extremely challenging. Although I understand normal eating habits, a binge episode feels like an external force takes over, relegating me to a mere observer. The aftermath leaves me feeling distressed, disgusted, and self-loathing, perpetuating the cycle.
Additionally, this disorder has led to financial strain. My food addiction has resulted in maxing out two credit cards, a situation that is both shocking and distressing, given my aversion to debt. Moreover, my ADHD exacerbates the eating disorder, underscoring that it transcends mere willpower.
I’ve been avoiding meeting my close friends because of the weight I’ve gained, worried that they might not accept me anymore. I’ve been missing out on social gatherings for the same reason. Daily tasks are becoming increasingly difficult due to my size, and activities I once enjoyed now bring back painful memories. I feel like a prisoner in my own body.
I aspire to change, to improve, and I hold onto the hope and prayer that I will surmount this, become healthier, cultivate self-love, and lead a fulfilling life.
Currently at 36, my goal is to reach this state of well-being by the time I turn 40.
Living with an eating disorder alongside ADHD presents a unique set of challenges. I’ve only touched briefly on a few of the challenges.
Some more information beloow about Binge Eating Disorder with ADHD
- Brain Reward Response Linked to Binge Eating and ADHD – CHADD (https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/brain-reward-response-linked-to-binge-eating-and-adhd/)
- ADHD and Overeating: How to Stop Binge Eating When Bored (additudemag.com) – https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-obesity-how-to-end-binge-eating/
- The Relationship Between ADHD and Binge Eating Disorder (withinhealth.com) – https://withinhealth.com/learn/articles/the-relationship-between-adhd-and-binge-eating-disorder
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